


Promises

by rxbron



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 18:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5216273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rxbron/pseuds/rxbron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andy wants to help Thomas get better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promises

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiii, sooo I wrote this after watching 6x08 because I wasn't pleased with how they never showed Andy, Miss Baxter or any of the downstairs staff after Thomas was saved. I have no experience of writing a DA fic before or writing historically. So please excuse my mistakes within this little one-shot. I wrote this as Andy being Thomas' friend and nothing else but you could nearly read this as Andy being more than just a friend/wanting to be more than a friend. It's up to you really! I would love to hear your thoughts on this so feel free to leave kudos/comments! I'm gonna stop now and let you read. Enjoy! :)

Andy quickly marched up and down the servant's hall, his polished shoes hitting the wooden floor with a hard 'click' from his heel with every step. His face was paler than normal, his curls were a little dishevelled and his eyes or mind were not focused on the poor hall boys and maids trying to pass him without bumping against him as he moved up and down the room with quite a lot of speed.  
   
His fingers of his right hand covered his mouth and the thumb of the same hand pressed up under his chin, giving anyone the impression that he was in deep thought. The impression was certainly correct. Andy had new thoughts popping into his head every second. The event that just took place the men's washroom had shook him right up. Suddenly, he felt numb all over, like if a bitter gush of wind had blown over him. The nausea feeling came back as he replayed the event over in his head.  
It had all happened so quickly. Andy didn't notice anything. No one trace of Thomas' plan.

Andy stopped in the middle of the room; the haunted image of Thomas' still body merged under the red streaked water popping into his mind. It was like a picture painted into his head. Every thought came back to that horrible image of Thomas.

There was another awful image popping up too. The image of something, that Miss Baxter or Mrs Hughes did not noticed; a small razor blade with a red fingerprint covering the metal on the floor near the bath and a drop of dried blood beside it on the floor. The sight of the small object caught Andy's breath as he was helping Mrs Hughes and Miss Baxter carry Thomas out of the washroom which resulted in nearly dropping the older man. He regained his hold of Thomas when Mrs Hughes gave him a concerned but stern look.

"Sorry..." He whispered, a lump forming in his throat before walking out carefully with the lifeless man in his arms.

The numbness faded away from Andy's body as his feet quickly brought him up the stairs and outside the men's washroom. He heard small talk behind Thomas' door as he passed but he didn't dare listen. He swallowed another small lump in his throat that had formed just then and shakily reached out for the door knob, shutting his eyes, tightly.  
The image of Thomas' still body came into his mind again. Every time he would make a trip to this washroom. It will be only think he will think about and it made Andy deeply sad and he had to cover his mouth to prevent a soft sob from escaping his mouth at the thought of the image again.

He sniffled and opened his eyes and the door quickly. He froze in his first step into the cold room when he saw the bath with red streaks of what was Thomas' blood on the sides and base of the bath. He left out a long slow breath, not letting any of his emotions spill out.

He closed the door after him and smoothed out his waist coast. He didn't know what time it was nor did he care. He walked over to the side of the bath where he spotted the metal object beforehand and suddenly, felt faint when the blade came into view again, untouched or unmoved from its position. Andy quickly caught hold of the bath’s ledge.  
He shut his eyes and imagined how it got there.  
   
How Thomas held the tiny object and how he threw it down on the ground after using it on his delicate skin.  
   
Andy nearly lost his grip of the bath but his second hand gripped the ledge too before he could land on the cold floor. He took a deep breath again before slowly bending down to the bath's height. He carefully picked up the sharp blade and ran his index fingertip over the red printed blade. Andy let a small tear slip down his cheek.

"Why Thomas?" He whispered to himself and closed his fingers over the blade, careful not to hurt himself. Andy was in no state of mind to think of what he could do with the blade to help himself.

  
All he could think about was his friend who wanted to end his life and he didn't have a clue that he was going to.

Andy got up with a sudden bound of anger in and at himself. He wiped his tears and trudged towards the door, not looking back at the white and red bath. When he got out to the corridor, he heard voices of Dr. Clarkson and Mr Carson around the corner.

"What can I do to help?" His voice had a hint of guiltiness in it which didn't help with Andy's anger.  
   
"He will need to rest for several days and regain his body strength before he returns to his duties. I've told Mrs Hughes that his bandages will need changing once a day until they are healed.” Dr. Clarkson replied.

Mr Carson gave his usual grumble of both disapproval and approval. Andy heard their steps and voices fade away which allowed him to relax against the wall. Thomas popped back into his mind and he suddenly realised he had no idea how the older man was for himself. He needed to see Thomas with his own eyes.

He let his long legs take him around the corner to Thomas' room. He pocketed the small blade carefully before knocking softly on the door.

"Come in." The soft voice of Miss Baxter replied behind the door and Andy opened it slowly. His eyes wandered from Miss Baxter to the hand she was holding.

Thomas lay still with his eyes shut in his blue pyjamas under the sheet of his bed. She gently held his hand in both of her hands, her eyes red and mouth in a frown.

"Are you okay, Andy? I know it's a great shock..." Miss Baxter mumbled softly, her eyes wandering over Andy's obvious stressed and worried figure. Andy looked at her with worried eyes.

"I’m-I'm...I-Is...Is he going to be o-okay?" Andy stuttered, cheeks gaining a soft pink colour. Miss Baxter's frown turned into a small smile.  
   
"He's going to be okay, Andy. He will need some looking after and a lot of rest." She explained in a calming tone which soothed Andy almost instantly.  
"Thank God" He whispered, audibly.

"I-I would like to help in any way I can...please..." Andy took a step closer to Thomas' bed. Miss Baxter smiled again and looked at Thomas which made Andy turn his eyes to Thomas' sleeping figure. He had his colour back but Andy still saw that pale, still body in the bath.

"He would like your help, Andy. That's very kind of you." She paused as if she remembered something.

"You can start now. Her Ladyship had asked for me. If he wakes up, do calm him and don't let him out of this room. He will be very weak and possibly..." She paused to look at Thomas again. 

"Very confused and upset..." He finished in a quieter tone.

Andy nodded and left out a deep breath. "Okay..." He agreed with another hard swallow and watched Miss Baxter place down Thomas' hand beside his side and leave the room quietly. Andy made his way over to the chair beside Thomas and slipped off his tailcoat, hanging it behind the chair. He pulled up his trousers before sitting down on the wooden chair. 

He clasped his hands in front of him, leaning them beside Thomas' still hand on the bed. Andy took one last deep breath before dragging his eyes up Thomas' body. He looked so still, even content but Andy knew Thomas wasn't content. He certainly will not be content when he wakes up.

Andy shook his head. He still could not believe Thomas wanted to end his life, no longer wanted to live a future. Andy should have known. He watched Thomas read the newspaper everyday to find a job but it always ended in Thomas shaking his head and folding the paper in frustration or either Thomas opening an envelope with bad news. He had no luck so far. Andy should have helped him...like how he helped him. Andy could have helped but he sadly didn't know how. He could have stopped him.

Andy pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind and left out a shaky breath before opening his mouth.

"I-I'm so sorry, Thomas" Andy whispered, eyes set on Thomas' hand, eyes trailing from his fingers to the small part of his bandaged wrist which wasn't covered by his blue top. He remembered the blade in his pocket and shook his head.  
   
"Oh Thomas..." He whispered, lip wobbling. He could call him Thomas. It's not like he was listening.

Andy felt a sudden erge to hold his hand. He glanced over to Thomas' wounded hand; just realising he had no glove covering it. It was scarred badly, making Andy wince and look back to the other hand. He did envy Thomas' bravery to go out and care for all those injured men. He didn't believe when they said Mr Barrow had no heart.

_'Course he had a heart, he wouldn't be here in the first place if he didn't.’_ Andy angrily thought to himself but calmed himself. He carefully picked up Thomas' hand and held it gently. He then placed his other hand over the hand he held. He frowned at how cold his hand was and rubbed his two hands over the paler hand, trying to warm it. Andy left his hand trail down his wrist, making him stop. He held the wrist with one hand and held his hand with his other. He left out a soft sigh.  
   
"I'm so sorry..." He repeated and carefully brought his lips to the back of Thomas' hand, placing a kiss to it. He didn't feel uncomfortable kissing a man's hand. It felt right to do it, Thomas deserved it too. He set down the hand but kept hold of it, bringing up his vacant hand to rub his own eyes and drag his fingers through his flat curls.

"I-I know you have to s-sleep and r-rest yourself but p-please wake up T-Thomas...I need you to w-wake up..." Andy's words overwhelmed himself and he left out another broken sob before growing a little confident with his words.

"I-I'm here for you. I don't care what Mr Carson, Mrs Hughes or what anyone says. I want to help you get better, if you will let me of course..." Andy looked back at the hand and pulled the sleeve to cover the rest of the peaking out bandage, ready to speak again.

“Thank you Andy." Thomas' hoarse, tired voice filled Andy's ears making him jump and snap his head up.

"Thom-..Mr Barrow, y-you're awake!" Andy shocked expression formed into a relieved one with a smile as he saw Thomas lick his dry lips and his eyes flicker open.

"I-I'll get Miss Baxter...I-I'm so h-happy you're awake!" Andy was overwhelmed once again but with happiness now. He stood up quickly but a strong hand caught his wrist. He heard a harsh hiss, making Andy drop his smile. He looked down and saw Thomas' pained face and hand on his wrist.

"D-Don't move Mr Barrow, take it steady..." He quickly murmured, gently taking Thomas' now weak wrist and placed it down gently on the soft sheet. He looked at him for a reason on why he caught his arm.

"Don't go." Thomas whispered, shutting his eyes for a moment. Andy's heart fluttered and he sat down without a word. They stayed still for a moment, no movements or communication.

Andy bit his lip, giving Thomas a moment but he didn't want Thomas to be alone with his thoughts.

"How are you feeling?" He mumbled, finally catching Thomas' tired grey eyes. He gave a small smile to him waiting for a reply.

"Thomas." Thomas muttered, blinking slowly. Andy furrowed his eyebrows.

"What-?" Thomas cut him off.

"Call me Thomas, please and I am feeling okay." He replied softly. Andy nodded and bit his lip. He wasn't sure was that the truth or a lie.

"Don’t lie to me, Thomas." Andy whispered. It felt weird to say his name with him hearing it.

"What can I say?" Thomas muttered, knowing this conversation was approaching. He expected it off Miss Baxter but not off young Andy here. Andy leaned forward, eyes still locked with Thomas' face.

"Just say how you feel, Thomas. It's not good for you to hide your feelings." Thomas looked at the young man.

He was surprised at how calm he was. He wasn't expecting Andy to listen to him at all after he stopped teaching him. Thomas left out a small sigh, turning his neck away from Andy to wake up more before turning it back to Andy.

"If I have to be honest...I'm disappointed." He said with no emotion in his voice, making Andy's heart sink.

"I did not want to wake up." He continued, voice softening at the realisation of his own words. Andy frowned.

"W-Why?" He whispered. Thomas shut his eyes at how upset Andy sounded.

"I wanted to end my life, Andy." He simply said, not wanting to show any emotion but he wasn't sure could he keep his no emotion, hard man figure up. Andy frowned deeply and watched the older man confess his actions.

"I-I am so s-sorry for not noticing. You gave us clear signals. You were so upset...I was so stupid to not notice. I am no good for anybody. Not for you. Mr Mason or Daisy-" Thomas furrowed his eyebrows at the young man's sudden outburst and cut him off right away.

"Andy, you are not stupid. Stop saying that. Do not blame yourself for not noticing my signals. I admit, I was unhappy but it is my own fault for not telling anybody. I did not give many signals either but I'm paying the price now. Do not blame yourself. I did this to myself. Not you. And you as I said, are a clever lad and you will be able for anything in future...even if it is pig rearing." Thomas finished his short speech with a soft chuckle, which made Andy wipe his wet cheeks with a laugh.

Thomas smiled and held his hand open, ignoring the pain in his wrist. Andy looked from the hand to Thomas and back. Thomas nodded towards the hand and felt Andy take it.

"Thank you." Andy smiled and squeezed the hand. Thomas shook his head.

"No Andy, thank you." He replied. Andy's ear tips turned pink and he smiled like a fool. Thomas smiled at the youngest footman before he began to think about what happened after he closed his eyes in the bath.

"W-Who found me?" He asked after a moment of silence. Andy stiffened and Thomas felt the movement in his hand.

"Y-You don't need to worry about t-that..." He stuttered, avoiding the under butler's eyes.

"Andy, who found me?" Thomas sternly asked, but he was scared of the answer. Andy couldn't have found him. He just couldn't have. Andy swallowed and looked at Thomas.

"Miss Baxter and I..." He mumbled, shocking Thomas.

"Oh Andy...I'm so sorry." He quickly said, with much embarrassment. Andy shook his head.

"Don't be sorry, Thomas...It was Miss Baxter who went to find you first, I just happened to be there." He mumbled, trying to block out the image of Thomas' still body in the bath once again.

Thomas squeezed his hand to get Andy's attention back. He felt a strand of his sleeked back hair fall over his eyes and he went to move his free hand up to fix it but stopped when he felt a sharp sting under his bandaged wrist. He hissed and left the injured body part back down.

"Does it hurt bad? You could be due your painkillers..." Andy's voice was worried as he looked around for the medication. Thomas sighed.

"It hurts..." He confessed quietly. Andy frowned and cautiously ran his finger up and down Thomas' wrist. He suddenly remembered the blade that Thomas used on himself to cause this pain was in his pocket.

His hands left Thomas and he reached back to his coat to carefully take out the blade. Thomas looked at footman when he went to his coat.

"Looking for something?" He asked, watching Andy turn back and hold his hand to himself as if he was cradling something delicate.

"I-I found something." Andy replied and looked at his fisted hand. Thomas furrowed his eyebrows.

"Go on, what is it?" He asked. Andy opened his hand and picked up the blade to show him. Thomas' facial expression fell into shock and his jaw slacked.

"Andy, be careful..." He said with a stern voice. Andy sighed and looked at it.

"Promise me something, Thomas..." He paused for a brief moment as he heard heavy steps pass the room door. It must have been dinner time.

"You will speak to me or Miss Baxter if you are unhappy, okay? We want to help you get better and make you happier. You will not shut yourself away and use this horrid object for bad reason ever again, okay?. Promise me you won't, Thomas." Andy looked at him. Thomas sighed.

"Andy, I-"

"Thomas, I want to help you. I want to be your friend again. I want you to help me when I want help too." Andy ended his sentence in a soft tone. Thomas shut his eyes, his emotions taking over him. Andy genuinely wanted to help and Thomas was close to tears the sweet gesture.

"You have no idea what that means to me, Andy. Thank you...and I promise." He whispered back with a smile. Andy smiled widely.

"You will be happy, Thomas-" The door opened to reveal Miss Baxter with a relieved face as she ran over to Thomas with a smile, cutting off Andy's sentence. Andy looked back at Thomas who was still looking at him, now with warm eyes and finished his sentence.

"I promise."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
